When you don't want to ask for help (but really need it)

As I finish up a New Parent Educator Training this week, I am happy to be sending out more educators into the new and expectant parenting world to help people know better how to help, how to support, and what to offer so new parents have a better experience with their new babies. Educators make a difference but anyone can be a helper!

Do you struggle with asking for help? Almost all the new parents I talk to say this. It is as if our culture has a desperate need for support, yet our desire to do everything perfectly for our baby makes us immune to the ability to ask for or receive help. It seems to really put us in a pickle when we have a new baby (or another need).

Many new families hire a doula because they need someone that OFFERS. Doulas don’t want to be asked to do things, but rather inquire about areas that many parents need help with. You are likely to hear from your doula, “Would you like time to shower today?” or “When did you eat last; would you like me to make you something yummy?” Having someone just jump in and wash the dishes or empty the dishwasher may seem like a small thing, until your baby needs you to walk the floor, or you are having a sweet moment with your baby during playtime. Then it feels like a giant thing you can manage.

If you want to support the new parents in your life, don’t wait to ask if they need help. Offer something specific! (Can we bring Tacos by on Tuesday?) They might say no, or they might ask for something that would prefer, but at least they won’t have to ask! And you just might find that they were craving those and can’t believe you thought of them. And if they are feeling warm-hearted, you might even get to snuggle that baby for a delightful minute. :)