It is weird to have a doula in your home at night?

Not everyone is comfortable with the idea of a postpartum doula at first.

I get asked this a lot. Not always by clients, as they have already thought this through or they wouldn’t be calling us. But when I tell people about the service we offer, I get this question frequently in return, especially when they mention the doula being a “stranger” to the baby. The easiest answer I have is, “Doulas aren’t strangers for long. Within 5 minutes we have usually built enough trust to last through the whole night.”

It can seem strange at first, the idea of handing over your newborn to someone other than you while you sleep. But to a tired new parent, having someone who automatically knows what to do is a huge relief. Doulas don’t need instructions, only a plan for the night for feedings and a small setup anywhere that is convenient. Especially when parents are just getting to know their newborn, having someone with a depth of experience is reassuring, not stressful. But it can be hard to imagine that someone else is providing your baby the same kind of nurturing that you would be if you were awake. (It is also extremely difficult to stay awake after so little sleep! And they don’t sell sleep on Amazon unfortunately.)

An overnight doula is not there to take over

Doulas are trained to support new parents, new babies, and to help bring calm into the chaos of newborn life. On an overnight shift, your doula will likely sit down with you at first, listening to how your day has been and what the night might hold. They might walk through what the plan will look like for your baby’s feeding routine at night, and give options that they have seen work for other families. When you are ready to sleep, the doula will care for baby, be as involved in the feeding process as you are comfortable with, and will note all the care provided so you have a record later on.

what will the doula do?

Sometimes doulas bring baby back and forth to breastfeed, others provide what we call “room service” with pump parts and milk delivery/pick up so moms don’t have to get out of bed for long. Some prepare bottles and do the washing and sterilizing while you sleep. All overnight doulas will model loving infant care, safe and efficient sleep practices, and emotional support during a chaotic time. Sometimes doulas will sit on your bed while you cry through a rough moment or while processing your experience in birth or new parenthood, and sometimes doulas will slip away to give you privacy when you need to feel safe and secure. Many doulas will not just support you and baby, but also will organize, tidy up, and create routines that fit with your parenting approach and your baby’s unique needs.

Clients have said their doulas feel like magical elves who come in and provide sleep, do up chores like laundry and dishes, and leave with everything feeling refreshed. They feel they can trust the doula with their baby, their home, and their space, both physically and emotionally. When new moms feel secure, their anxieties can relax and they sleep better. When new dads feel secure, they can rest knowing they aren’t “on” for a little bit, and can recharge their own batteries. It is easy to trust someone who you know is holding not just your baby, but you as a family.

we are first time parents—we have questions!

First time parents make up about half of our clients, and usually they are couples who have heard that having an overnight doula (or night nanny, or “baby nurse” although these aren’t titles we use) is invaluable and already convinced. They often book later in their pregnancy, interview multiple doulas, and have a million questions about how to set up care. We work with first time families to find just the right level of support so they can enjoy their bonding leave with their babies.

It’s hard to imagine what you will feel like as a new parent. The overwhelming love you experience can blow your mind. The exhaustion and recovery pain can also be surprising. And if you birth in a hospital, the amount of people coming in and out of your room can also be a shock, and not usually a happy one. This is one reason we recommend having an overnight doula the first few nights after you get home from the hospital, rather than waiting until later on. While your doula won’t be working on sleep routines the first night necessarily, they will be focused on YOU, and making sure your home is filled with the security that allows you to relax, rest and recover.

we already have a toddler and want to reserve early!

Parents welcoming another baby often book many months in advance, reserve a schedule quickly, and know immediately who will be the best fit! They have lived this, and know what the early weeks take out of them, and know that sleep and trustworthy support is one of the only things that can put them back together. And they don’t want to risk not having a doula overnight. You can book a doula 7+ months out if you are ready.

So if you are wondering, “Will it feel weird?” and if a postpartum doula is right for you, these are safe questions to ask. We get them from many who aren’t sure, and we work hard to make sure you get a doula that fits and you feel safe and reassured that you have the right support. If we can help, reach out and ask!