Doulas are new mom mind readers

After talking with several sets of second time parents this past week, one thing resonated with almost everyone. New moms want someone to do things for them, but they don't want to ask. In reflecting back on their first experience, they realize they went without things they could have really benefited from because they didn't ask for it, and no one offered.

This time will be different. They will have a Doula.

Doulas aren't mind readers, but we know the new mom brain. We can interpret hand signals and body language. We understand the hormones involved and seek to maximize the love hormones and minimize the stress hormones. We can read between the lines. We take a hint. We know when a mom wants to hold her baby and needs others to take care of things. We also know when she hands us a baby that she needs a break, and we are happy to help.

We don't need to be told that a sink of dishes needs to be done, or that the laundry needs folding. We just do these things, because we know we would want them done as well.

We don't expect family members to know what the hormones of breastfeeding do to a new mom. But we are happy to explain to those curious how new parents respond to their babies, and how the supporters can make that a beautiful time, rather than stressful, exhausting, or overwhelming.

If you are approaching this as a first time parent, listen to those who have done this already; get someone in there who knows what is happening, what to offer, and how to help. Doulas are only one option, but not having that help means you will be left wishing someone would read your mind, and being disappointed.