Put away my books? Don’t Google at 3 am? How could anyone give this advice? But I do. Many times. Not to all moms of course, as books can be really helpful when you have questions, and Googling can give you real time answers when there is no one else awake to ask.
However, there comes a point when you learn to listen toyour inner voice. The one that loves and adores your baby. The one that questioned all your early decisions and second-guessed every move made in the beginning.
There is a time when THAT VOICE starts to get stronger. When you hear it, fully, as your mothering voice. And then you KNOW. You don’t have to get out the books, unless to check that your instinct was right! You don’t have to Google, and it might save you a lot of sleep to put the phone down!
Then you can just READ your baby and follow your instincts.
My underlying belief is that moms love their babies more than anyone else does--not to exclude dads/partners; I just mean in this baby-loving world of birth workers where I live that moms love their babies more than doulas, educators, therapists, and even doctors do. And no one else will work harder to find the right solution than a mama will.
So it stands to reason that moms will eventually start to trust that inner voice that will lead them. Not only through those confusing early weeks of newborn life, but onto the toddler and school years, and into the teenage years (the ones I am currently enjoying with my family). And I can tell you from mothering almost 15 years now, the voice gets stronger.
When you question yourself as a new mother, you wonder about all the different voices and things seem cloudy. But as you start to see traits in your child that someone can only find out by studying them intensely, you begin to hear the voice louder than before. And you see all the ways that you were right, even when you doubted!
And the doubt begins to fade.
Pretty soon, people ask questions about your child and you answer confidently. You aren’t rude or pushy; you just confidently know you are mothering well, and you know your child.
I can’t say when this will happen. But it will. You just have to keep listening to the VOICE. It is your heart, being moved with a love that is like no other.
You can trust it, mama.
In an age where we want immediate access through technology to back up our thoughts, know that if you never saw FB again, you could still KNOW you are the right mother of your child, and making the right decision for that time.
When did you learn to trust the mama VOICE?